I Don't Know

I don’t know.

How often do you say these words? How often do you admit…that “you don’t know”?

These words allow for vulnerability and may ask for grace at the same time.

The three words placed together in this way, pack a lot of meaning. We are admitting to ourselves we lack knowledge and most likely understanding of how something works, or how to fix something and why it broke in the first place. When said out loud we are admitting the same to others. 

Therefore, the tone in which we use to convey “I don’t know” also seems to carry with it our plan to address whether we care enough or not to escape the “I don’t know” with “I understand”.

There is so much I don’t know. I don’t know how computers really work. I don’t know how to hang a sconce, make it have electricity and not electrocute myself in the process. I don’t know what it is like to get breast cancer or any type of cancer. I don’t know how to play chess.

When my toilet stops working, I don’t know how to fix it. It’s possible I know why it broke and I certainly do care enough to make it better. I could choose to learn myself and/or choose to hire a plumber – who will most certainly know. Asking for assistance because we don’t know, is okay. Asking for support is healthy and actually provides the one you ask, a valuable position in our lives.

I don’t know the hate that murdered my father and son. When my 12 year old son asked me why someone murdered our family and another…all I had to offer was “I don’t know”. I don’t know the anger that seems to be running amok in our society.

I know the repercussions. I know sadness, pain, guilt, shame, sorrow and brokenness. I know these emotions easily lead to anger and hate. Sometimes, they wallow in me, palatably enough to simmer. Simmering in my soul, each of these and collectively, they cause action to NOT feel them.  

The burden of carrying them is heavy, yet it is not my desire to unload them on another human. My family and friends work to take them from me. They take a burden at a time and carry it when they can. I am always thankful (and should show it more often – guilt).

You may be asking, where and how do I unload these heavy emotions? I unload them through prayer. Prayer to God. Prayer to my father, son, grandparents and friends, in Heaven.

I unload these emotions that become thoughts and questions through journaling, writing out every last hateful, angry, sad, painful, shameful emotion, on paper – long hand. This means I pick up a pen and paper not a phone or computer. Sometimes I write until my fingers ache. As my fingers start to ache the pain and sorrow in my heart eases. Sometimes writing is enough, sometimes NOT enough…I don’t know why.

I seek physical healing and processing of these same broken, angry emotions through exercise, massage (specifically Lomilomi) yoga and my latest is Piyo®. I know these ease my tension, stress and anxiety – I don’t know why they don’t take away the sadness, heart ache or sorrow.

I seek psychological healing through conversations with mental health professionals as well as girlfriends, who often play the role of a mental health professional.

Caring for myself is my responsibility. Managing my emotions is mine to do. Many times I require assistance. Requiring assistance does not mean placing my emotions or burdens on another it means admitting I don’t know the way…it suggests I should ask for assistance with the journey at hand.

When I didn’t know the tenets of Judaism or Islam, I asked. I sought assistance from others to help me. I didn’t know why some Muslim women wear a hijab and others don’t, until I asked. I requested guidance. I didn’t know that the three of the world’s religions; Christianity, Judaism and Islam each have a similar narrative about Abraham and the sacrifice God asked of him, until I took the time to learn, understand and appreciate the historical value.

I know how to open my heart, listen, learn, engage, change, adapt and grow. I know how to get help from others when needed. I know how to collaborate. I know how to dialogue for a better understanding, a more educated me.

Join me and the Faith Always Wins Foundation as we embark on Workplace Healing™ and hosting our flagship event, SevenDays® Make a Ripple, Change the World. Together, admitting what we don’t know and sharing what we do know, we will make a ripple of better in each other.

 

Mindy Corporon